wife & mother

[enolz]

i do feel your pain bro...

the most important thing is to make your mum understand how u and your wife felt whenever she said anything hurtful... it may be hard... wait... it IS hard... but no matter what your mum must understand... if not you'll feel suffocated and at a dilemma... and btw, i dun tink having a kid will help... it will only give your mum another target....

[hors3m3n]

malay have this saying(try my best to translate)

 

for a son, to have a future in the afterlife, ur fate depends on ur mom's blessing.

for a wife, it depends on the husband.

 

so in a way, it is a circle..

man n woman have their share..

 

u follow ur mom, ur wife follow u, then in turn ur kids follow ur wife, etc..

 

all happy..

[xiaobanz]

But at the end of the day, your wife will still follow your decision whether to go with your mum or stay on your own..

 

But best of it is can talk to your mum calmly.

[Pplater]

TS, you are in a difficult situation. This situation, only u can solve, and u must be decisive. Mother and wife, very hard to placate both sides. U need to choose. Choose one you will regret less.

[selphie]

Eeeeeks.

I see like that I scared. Your story make me think twice abt marriage.

 

I should stay single and stay with my mom and one day both of us can back pack to Europe. Rather than be filial to someone who never even brought me up.

 

Siao.

[lutein]

But at the end of the day, your wife will still follow your decision whether to go with your mum or stay on your own..

 

I wouldn't be so sure of that...

[Baphomet]

I wouldn't be so sure of that...

 

thats why i say no matter what, mother should always come first....mothers will always love their son..but wife......i wouldn't be so sure of that... lol......

[Baphomet]

Eeeeeks.

I see like that I scared. Your story make me think twice abt marriage.

 

I should stay single and stay with my mom and one day both of us can back pack to Europe. Rather than be filial to someone who never even brought me up.

 

Siao.

 

exactly. stay with someone who really truely loves you, no matter what happens..nowadays...not much romeo & juliet...but alot of Pan Jing Lian and Simon King...lol

 

For me is bor bian. have to take responsibility. So i have to live with it for the rest of my life...

[hors3m3n]

thats why i say no matter what, mother should always come first....mothers will always love their son..but wife......i wouldn't be so sure of that... lol......

 

cannot say like dat la.. den pple mite ask why get married to that particular person if she dont love n understand u..

[lutein]

....mothers will always love their son..

 

I'm also not so sure of that. Parent-child abusers...

 

OFF TOPIC!

[Seastorm]

I am guessing here. But your mum sounds like a housewife who has devote all her time and energy in bringing you up and that you are an only son.

 

The feelings of being abandon comes I think when there is a case of low self esteem and too much free time. Has she complained about aches and pains? The aches and pain are usually real but brought on more by psycological wants. She maybe feeling a lack of attention. What is needed is your wife to spend more time with your mum, for her to show more concern to your mum then you are. Your mum must be made to feel like she gained a daughter from the deal only then will she be more receptive.

[NinjaLite]

U r her son..nobody wil kw her better den u .... if u wld spend more timen effort wif ur mum.....

 

cld b she lonely, or sometin happen btw her n ur wife .... one can oni guess...

 

to resolve d issue.. u hav to spend more time alone wif ur mum... talk to her ..understand her more....

[aggrezior]

THANKS ALOT PPL. im really glad to hear all the advises and helps you guys had given me. infact ya. im the only son. anyway we had a good evening together last night. we ate at serangoon garden after attending mass at sfx. kinda celebrate an advanced fathers day dinner. then after that went to my parents place to play MJ. she just seems to be fine at times. the other day got a short chat with my mum. she mentioned about my wife conceiving issue. i explained to her that stress can also affect the condition. in the end she conclude that she will not care about it again...abit agitated. as she claimed that she had stressed her too much. kaozz...i also ask her not to think too much. rather think of the future. a better future.

[seahmh]

Mr aggrezior, I sympathise with your situation.

 

Me and my wife are in the exact SAME situation like you.

 

EXCEPT that my wife is the only child of her mum and her mum is acting like (if not, worse than) your mum.

 

Perhaps we should meet up for kopi and share our experiences and have some mental support for each other (sorry, but I am not a Christian), cos like you, I am going crazy soon.

 

Feel free to PM me if you wish.

[lutein]

THANKS ALOT PPL. im really glad to hear all the advises and helps you guys had given me. infact ya. im the only son. anyway we had a good evening together last night. we ate at serangoon garden after attending mass at sfx. kinda celebrate an advanced fathers day dinner. then after that went to my parents place to play MJ. she just seems to be fine at times. the other day got a short chat with my mum. she mentioned about my wife conceiving issue. i explained to her that stress can also affect the condition. in the end she conclude that she will not care about it again...abit agitated. as she claimed that she had stressed her too much. kaozz...i also ask her not to think too much. rather think of the future. a better future.

 

I feel quite strongly about this having children thing because I was also stressed when my ex MIL kept asking me about it.

 

My ex and I actually already agreed that we didn't want to have children, but it was very difficult to bring this up with my ex MIL because she was having all hopes of having a grandchild. It's a source of pride and will raise her stature in the family "clan" (you know those extended families in small Malaysian towns...)

 

Somehow it became "my fault" because I also had an ovarian operation and she had the idea that I was the one having problems. However, to my ex MIL's credit, she was pretty nice about it and just asked me if I were having "problems". I just smiled and said "no lah" and she didn't ask anymore questions.

 

She did however pester my ex and even went as far as calling my mother, asking her to "command" us to hurry up have children. She would drop very strong hints to my ex and it drove my ex nuts. However, it was very difficult for him to be honest with his mother because he was afraid that she would create a scene. Frankly, we would not be surprised if she threatened suicide just to force us to have children.

 

It's very difficult when children cannot be honest with their parents on adult-adult terms.

 

On my mom's part, she was pretty ambivalent about it. She was concerned about the "who will take care of you when you're old" issue but otherwise, she was pretty indifferent. She did think that my ex-MIL was a bit too intrusive and unfortunately she also had to "suffer" my MIL's phonecalls!

[aggrezior]

Mr aggrezior, I sympathise with your situation.

 

Me and my wife are in the exact SAME situation like you.

 

EXCEPT that my wife is the only child of her mum and her mum is acting like (if not, worse than) your mum.

 

Perhaps we should meet up for kopi and share our experiences and have some mental support for each other (sorry, but I am not a Christian), cos like you, I am going crazy soon.

 

Feel free to PM me if you wish.

oh really? haha... guess we are in the same boat. oh sure bro. we can catch up 1 day.

[FinG]

how about having a small pet like dog to keep your mom company? i have a few friend doing it,in a way your mom is busy with her new child:)

[NinjaLite]

keeping pets for ur mum is definitely not a good idea....later she when she see d pets havin dozens of babies den she wil get even more agitated...

 

get her more involve in church activities...wif wider circle of frens it wld help... n getting help from "correct" frens wld let her b more understandin

[cougar]

rent yr house

and move back to mum ?

 

 

Workable, ask ur mum move with you to your new house, rent out your mum's house, and let her keep the rental as monthly income.

 

Actually make babies, can go book a hotel weekend and do it. It will definitely be less stressful this way.

[paperger85]

Workable, ask ur mum move with you to your new house, rent out your mum's house, and let her keep the rental as monthly income.

 

Actually make babies, can go book a hotel weekend and do it. It will definitely be less stressful this way.

 

No leh....book hotel then will be pressurized to perform. Later cannot perform instead...

[cougar]

No leh....book hotel then will be pressurized to perform. Later cannot perform instead...

 

Actually perform or what, is up to imagination, those lack of imagination may have this problem. I only offer alternative leh, not your bedroom problems lah.

[hiro_rxz]

sell ur mum's house and invite her to move over.

can call me if u wanna sell...lol

property agent.

[pyro13]

VISIT ur mum often?

[GuiNNeSS]

hmm.. talk to me if you need solution.

 

i'll breakdown the cause and effect, and then naturally the solution will appear

[Aie]

My parents don't bother me once I got married. They basically let me live my life with my family and I keep in touch with them only once in a while. My parents-in-law, different story. Every other day must call and 'interfere' with my family life. Not interfere as in meddling with my family business but bothering me with their calls to my wife, pestering us to visit them and bring the kids for them to play with. The most irritating part is my mrs doesn't mind at all...