<D> Funny I.T. Jokes and Stories

redbeacon · December 20, 2007

Their Version of Cut and Paste

By "Old Gutsie"

A couple of years ago, I was hired by a company to make a few changes to a website that they already own.

Most of their changes thew wanted were cosmetic -- you know, move a few things here, change some wordings here and there, and some minor enhancements (to their ASP application)

My client (that company) were hardworking and right away, went to work on a mock-up of what they really wanted via cut-and-paste.

After I felt that they were more than ready to present their final intention, I asked them to send it over and voila...a few minutes later a few dozen pages came spilling out from my fax machine. At first, I was quite baffled as to why they chose the awkward way of (1) printing their screen-capture out and (2) sending me their hardcopy blueprint by fax...but I figured out that they might have lost my e-mail, so I let out a sigh and forgot about that.

After reviewing their screen captures, I called them up to discuss the changes and offer a few additional suggestions. The client agreed and promised that theyâ€™d fax over the changes right away. Before hanging up, I asked if theyâ€™d be able to simply email the document instead of printing and faxing it.

â€œWe canâ€™t,â€ the client replied, â€œweâ€™re cutting and pasting.â€

Even more confused, I asked why cutting and pasting some text inside a word document would prevent them from emailing it to me. As it turned out, the client had a pretty good reason:

Their version of â€œcut and pasteâ€ to create their final product involved a screen print from a browser, a pair of scissors, and a bottle of glue.

In other words, physically "cutting" and "pasting", paper paste here-n-there, rearranging what they wanted as their final product, before faxing that final product over. Now that might explain the appearance of funny stray square lines and creases on the fax printout...

Editors note: Anyone has secretaries that send stuff over this way?

danielsin2 · December 20, 2007

Stupidity!

jiasheng · December 21, 2007

They are the champions..... !!

redbeacon · December 21, 2007

Screenshots v0.1

Seeking help from I.T. Support,, one window at a time

(Picture below)

I work at an I.T. help desk, so when users call in with problems I usually like them to send along a screen capture (or screenshot).

The popular method (stemming from the 800x600 days, maybe?) is print-screening (?) their entire 1280x1024 desktop and pasting it into a Microsoft Word document, all that hassle so I can read two lines of arcane Microsoft error code.

Y'know, I try to show my users the virtues of Alt+PrintScreen and pasting into Paint (or better yet the actual email they're composing). I think I got only one of them to understand that it's better to paste the screen capture directly on the e-mail page itself, though I don't think this person quite has the concept nailed down:

http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/1275/8554k80ij1.jpg

redbeacon · December 21, 2007

And yes folks, I have people doing that to me and my colleagues too. Paste a 1280x1024 -sized screen capture of everything, just to show me a small little error in the middle of the screen.

Better still, they paste that huge image into Microsoft Excel,

save it, attach that Excel into the e-mail, then send it to me.

jB · December 24, 2007

I've had friends which I try to help by using the MSN "remote assistance" option.Don't really explore much but I hope there are better options for me to help friends instead of trying to aid but end up no where.

redbeacon · December 24, 2007

Office v0.0

The retrospective way of contacting Support. Print-out, scan-it-back, send it...

I just received some specs from a customer for an accounts integration with QuickBooks, a popular online and offline accounting system. This is what I believed those funky I.T. guys did before sending the screen captures (?) to me:

I.T. Expert: "Hey, we need to send them some specs. Can you just send them the QB Integration Guide they have online?"

IT slave: "Yeah, sure. Um... how do I do that?"

I.T. Expert: "Oh, just go to their site, follow all the links, get screenshots."

IT slave: "How do I do that?"

I.T. Expert: "Ok, you click on the link, yeah?"

IT slave: "Uh-huh"

I.T. Expert: "And then you print that page out, right?"

IT slave: "Right"

I.T. Expert: "You scan that printout... make sure it's straight, ok?"

IT slave: "Yeah, sure"

I.T. Expert: "And then that HP scanner software thingy just turns it into a PDF (?)"

IT slave: "Right. Ok"

I.T. Expert: "Just check that everything's there, and keep the paper straight on the scanner, yeah?"

IT slave: "Yeah, yeah, yeah... I'm not an idiot, you know"

So all the while, the I.T. slave clicked through 50+ pages from the on-screen QB Integration Guide, printing each out on paper as he did -- then scanning those back to the computer into a PDF, and sending it via e-mail.

Better still, some pages must've been just too long and have come out empty with just a "page 2 of 2" sitting in the corner.

But my personal favourites are three pages which look like this:

http://img182.imageshack.us/img182/4229/specsut6.png

Chubb · January 3, 2008

Office v0.0
The retrospective way of contacting Support. Print-out, scan-it-back, send it...

I just received some specs from a customer for an accounts integration with QuickBooks, a popular online and offline accounting system. This is what I believed those funky I.T. guys did before sending the screen captures (?) to me:

I.T. Expert: "Hey, we need to send them some specs. Can you just send them the QB Integration Guide they have online?"

IT slave: "Yeah, sure. Um... how do I do that?"

I.T. Expert: "Oh, just go to their site, follow all the links, get screenshots."

IT slave: "How do I do that?"

I.T. Expert: "Ok, you click on the link, yeah?"

IT slave: "Uh-huh"

I.T. Expert: "And then you print that page out, right?"

IT slave: "Right"

I.T. Expert: "You scan that printout... make sure it's straight, ok?"

IT slave: "Yeah, sure"

I.T. Expert: "And then that HP scanner software thingy just turns it into a PDF (?)"

IT slave: "Right. Ok"

I.T. Expert: "Just check that everything's there, and keep the paper straight on the scanner, yeah?"

IT slave: "Yeah, yeah, yeah... I'm not an idiot, you know"

So all the while, the I.T. slave clicked through 50+ pages from the on-screen QB Integration Guide, printing each out on paper as he did -- then scanning those back to the computer into a PDF, and sending it via e-mail.

Better still, some pages must've been just too long and have come out empty with just a "page 2 of 2" sitting in the corner.

But my personal favourites are three pages which look like this:

http://i14.tinypic.com/6xuy03t.png

haaa... dis is so cute....

had a gd laugh...

mi5trooper · January 9, 2008

design industry used to preform it work manually. it is not stupid. maybe they are just old school people. i remember my batch (many year ago) was also 50% manual work and 50% computer.

Stupidity!

redbeacon · January 9, 2008

design industry used to preform it work manually. it is not stupid. maybe they are just old school people. i remember my batch (many year ago) was also 50% manual work and 50% computer.

Let's buy 'em scanners and cameras for Christmas!

redbeacon · February 2, 2008

Six Copies, Please

~ by Snoofle

I've been working with computers since the mid 1970s, and thought I'd seen every possible stupid thing users could do. Coffee cups on the PC's CD-ROM drive. People stuffing $20 bills into the slot (floppy disk) so that they could "purchase stuff on the internet."

Pretty much everything expected of the computer neophyte.

Nothing could surprise me anymore. Until today:

A co-worker in another group, upon finishing a presentation, asked me to distribute it to the folks in my department. Since there are six people in my department, I told her I'd need six copies. She said she'd get them to me. So far, so good.

An hour later, I got an e-mail from her. Ok, so on that e-mail, she instructed me to print out six copies myself. Still, so far, so good.

Then, I opened the e-mail, to find six copies of the presentation attached.

Presentation.ppt

Presentation copy.ppt

Presentation copy 1.ppt

Presentation copy 2.ppt

Presentation copy 3.ppt

Presentation copy 4.ppt

redbeacon · February 2, 2008

Billboard runs off of HTML.

The good news here is that the airplanes themselves don't run Internet Explorer. Well, I mean, probably they don't. Right?

http://img144.imageshack.us/img144/7341/seatacmserrorou0.jpg

(Taken at a Seattle (WA) airport, USA)

Don't laugh; I've seen numerous times upon entering Singapore by bike in the wee hours in the morning...that the "Welcome to Singapore" plasma TV billboard ad usually showcases their, umm...usual advert:

It's now safe to turn off your computer

.

jB · February 3, 2008

Billboard runs off of HTML.

The good news here is that the airplanes themselves don't run Internet Explorer. Well, I mean, probably they don't. Right?

http://img144.imageshack.us/img144/7341/seatacmserrorou0.jpg
(Taken at a Seattle (WA) airport, USA)

Don't laugh; I've seen numerous times upon entering Singapore by bike in the wee hours in the morning...that the "Welcome to Singapore" plasma TV billboard ad usually showcases their, umm...usual advert:

It's now safe to turn off your computer
.
.
.
.
.

think I still have one PC at home that does that

If I didn't forget, it should be in orange text in a black screen

It's now safe to turn off your computer

redbeacon · February 3, 2008

think I still have one PC at home that does that

If I didn't forget, it should be in orange text in a black screen

It's now safe to turn off your computer

That's an older generation PC with an older generation motherboard without smart power features, and it must be on an old AT power supply.

jB · February 6, 2008

brings back memories, still recall stuck in front of cpu playing those DOS games or waiting very long for the buzzing dial-up modem

redbeacon · February 14, 2008

I'm looking for a job, but I'm not too particular anymore

a not-so-dull but funky resume, amongst the other 99 boring ones.

After reading through a stack of dull resumes, this one was a welcome change:

OBJECTIVE

A job in IT. After looking for searching for a job for several months I'm not too particular anymore.

A LITTLE HISTORY

My skill is to understand and finding solutions to problems. My gift is plain intelligence, at the expense of understanding planning and value. I can do the innovative and apparent impossible in programming in to solve a problem, the software being but a tool. The problem is that

these innovative solutions may cause other programmers to be somewhat mystified and ticked off resulting in me answering a lot of questions that only s few might be able to understand

. This mixed with my lack

of ambition results in political suicide. I may not know the exact software you need expertise on. Yet, unknown to you, my

basic nature can be used these to solve problems.

Thatâ€™s why most of my jobs have been from word of mouth.

Devin was my first programming job. The president of the company learned of my skills and would send me around with the package to help install it, two of these places were the Hardrock Cafe and California Pizza Kitchen which hired me. So the quality of my work for the last 25 years has been based on word of mouth. It's my own fault

I didn't go beyond what these companies needed, such as CICS and RPG/400 which would have made my resume look a lot better.

You have the opportunity to hire me and I need work.

I guess this guy was very lucky, because everywhere he goes, he gets hired because of "word of mouth".

redbeacon · February 14, 2008

I'm looking for a job, but I'm not too particular anymore (v2)

a not-so-dull but funky resume, amongst the other 99 boring ones.

Dear Prospective Employer,

My experience matches the description for Software Developer II for which you advertise.

I enjoy working with people to produce a graphic and redundancy-free architecture that brings developers and users into synchronicity. Since creating model is essentially the incipient step under the paradigm of top-down programming, an information architect's work is largely cerebral and removed from the tools with which an application is implemented. It involves gathering requirements from the players (users and management). Then, the architect creates a graphic and/or software representation of primary objects and their relationships to other objects.

The format of the graphic representation has never, and will never, change. It is an art form, and I'm very, very good at it. In fact, I would not expect to be long in your employ in that capacity in any case. I have already a highly developed model which I expect would require only minor "tweaking" to entirely encompass your need for a Management Information System.

If you can offer the environment wherein this service is timely, I am interested in exploring further the possibility of working with you. Thank you for your consideration.

kmax · February 19, 2008

shoulda seen this sample resume when i was lookin for job.. LOL...

uncletakumi · February 19, 2008

hey, you can try to install logmein. it's like pcAnywhere but its free and you can connect via a web browser. pretty cool. i use it to connect to my office pc.

I've had friends which I try to help by using the MSN "remote assistance" option.Don't really explore much but I hope there are better options for me to help friends instead of trying to aid but end up no where.

redbeacon · March 8, 2008

Office E-mails

...where some just don't make sense, has funny content in it, or is just plain stupid

Brian's entire company of employees was sent this message...

Hi all,

Not sure which one of you had used Angelica's log-in for the network provider, but we had to change the password for security reasons. Here is the updated info as of November 20th:

email: [noparse][email protected][/noparse]

password: chYatH@mumba

Thought that would be easy to remember.

J*** D****

I can imagine that a few days later, the IT management will have to change the password yet again "for security reasons".

They win liao loh...

redbeacon · March 8, 2008

Office E-mail v2

Richard sent in this e-mail to us.

Not much I.T. in it, but can be categorised as funny.

From: Office Manager

To: Everyone in the LA office

Subject: A message from your office manager

Good Afternoon [employees],

I love the individualism of the people that work in this company, a lot of times the humor is nice too. I do however draw the line at the corruption of the public utilities in the office. Please remember that not everyone will appreciate toys in the drinking water dispensers.

Will the owner of a yellow plastic duck please come see me?

---------------------------------

A forum member, who wanted to be known by his nick "socket", got this profoundly vague e-mail:

From: I.T. Administrative Staff

FW: Blackberry

"VP"?

original message: VP of Firm

spellcheck on wifi?"

...and that's all the e-mail that he got.

'Socket' said he was 'supposed to intepret this vague e-mail', something like this properly written one:

From: I.T. Administrative Staff

FW: Blackberry

"This came from the VP, do you know anything about it?"

original message: VP of Firm

I read that RIM is releasing new software that enables spellcheck on their Blackberry handhelds as well as wifi connectivity. Have you heard when it will be available and if we can use it on our current devices?"

He was thankful enough to go for E-mail Etiquette lessons and urged his department to go for those too.

ranzl · March 10, 2008

yellow ducky is urs? lolz

jB · March 10, 2008

I was in my room when my bro in law yelled out to me.

He: "I don't know WTF happened but the CPU blacked out on me!"

jB: " Run a Virus scan + spyware scan, I guess?"

He: "Ohhhhh WAIT! I just realised my right feet was stepping on the power/reset button all these while "

jB:

redbeacon · March 14, 2008

Want chocolate chips with your (browser) cookies?

Funny tech support stories, CD-ROM coffee-cup holders, and more... ~ Network World

http://i32.tinypic.com/2vnkvuw.jpg

NOTE: Instead of posting here, I've decided to link it.

Visit this site to view the whole article contributed by IT pros as they recount their favorite tales of clueless users.

http://www.networkworld.com/news/2006/021306widernetusers.html

.

redbeacon · March 14, 2008

Want chocolate chips with your (browser) cookies? (Part 2)

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